Stop Comparing and Start Living: A Conversation with Mel Cunningham

Tired of feeling like you have to choose between success and a fulfilling personal life? You’re not alone, and Mel Cunningham, founder of Now and Zenergy, is here to prove that you don’t have to choose at all. On this episode of the Scaling Up Success podcast, Mel shares insights from six years of coaching high-achieving professionals, revealing a powerful truth: it’s entirely possible to thrive in both business and life. Her journey as a coach has evolved from structured systems to deeply personalized approaches that spark real transformation. One of her most impactful offerings? Immersive retreats that help ambitious leaders unplug, reconnect with their true selves, and rediscover what truly matters.

Mel dives into the power of the "inner game", emphasizing the importance of self-awareness over external tactics. She challenges the conventional narrative around success, highlighting how comparison, especially in corporate settings and on social media, leads to unnecessary stress and self-doubt. Instead, she champions authentic leadership rooted in self-knowledge and purpose. Her message is especially resonant for entrepreneurs and women: stay true to yourself, surround yourself with the right support, and seek mentors who’ve walked the path before you. If you’re ready to stop hustling at the expense of your wellbeing, this episode offers a new lens for building success from the inside out. Connect with Mel on social media @nowandzenergy or visit melcunningham.com to learn more.

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Mel Cunningham
• 3:16 Evolution of Now and Zenergy
• 6:35 The Magic of Retreats
• 11:36 Inner Work vs External Labels
• 14:26 The Dangers of Comparison Culture
• 21:14 Advice for Female Entrepreneurs

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:03

What's up everybody. This is Ryan Van Orden. I'm back with another episode of Scaling Up Success podcast Today. I have Mel Cunningham on our podcast today. Mel, how are you today?

Speaker 2: 0:16

I'm great, thank you. I'm happy to be here. Thanks, ryan.

Speaker 1: 0:19

Absolutely. We're super excited to have this conversation with you.

Speaker 2: 0:37

Tell us a little bit about Now and Zenergy, with a lot of highly ambitious, high achieving professionals, as well as entrepreneurs who are, who are tired of the the constant hustle and the struggle of trying to or having to choose right, be having to choose between the success and having a personal, personal life, personal fulfillment, and so it I actually. Just the other day, I just realized I'm coming up on my sixth year anniversary and it's been a passion project for me, because all of the things that I use in my coaching practice are things that helped me, you know, rebuild and build a life that I truly love and desire.

Speaker 1: 1:16

That's super cool. One of the things like I mean being in the business for six years. Now you did you have you seen your business evolve?

Speaker 2: 1:27

It's definitely evolved a lot. You know, I actually just had that conversation. I myself work with coaches, right, and I actually just had that conversation with my coach of where and the evolution of my business from the very beginning to where it is today, because it really is now a very all-inclusive, very highly touchpoint, customized program, really meeting my clients where they're at. And you know, I would say like one of the biggest things is, when I first started my business, it was all about the system or the process, like right, like I have one, like there was one way I was going to coach, right, and we all need systems and processes, right.

Speaker 2: 2:07

But I think really the tweak that I made is really being able to make it very customizable to who I'm working with, which then allows for deeper transformations. You know, because you know, when we follow one system and we've all been there right, especially, you know, as business owners, you know we find one thing that somebody is doing and we're like, okay, I'm going to do that, and then we try to emulate that and what may work for one person may not work for the other. And that's the part where I see is really being able to take my clients much deeper and to be able to, you know, support them in that bigger transformation has really been the big change for me because I just think about you know I had one offering that I offered at you know when I first began my business and now it's just evolved in this, you know, beautiful collection of you know, different ways that I can support um not only in business, but then also um personally as well.

Speaker 1: 2:59

Well, I mean, some of the things that you offer are just pretty incredible stuff. Like I, we've had many discussions over this, but tell us a little, tell us the audience a little bit about like these retreats that you offer. It's pretty incredible stuff that you have going on.

Speaker 2: 3:15

Yeah, thank you. The retreats are magical, you know. I just think that the retreats, you know, think about it. We're all busy, you know, in today's world and we're all hustling, we're trying to do everything and most often I talk to people and they're like I don't have time to take time off, I don't have time for that. I'll make that time when they meet some sort of achievement or goal, and that's great and that's who I used to be.

Speaker 2: 3:41

And the wonderful thing about retreats is really being able to, you know, be, take yourself out of your current environment and be unplugged and be in an environment to really it's all about you. And now that can. That can be very exhilarating and it can be very scary at the same time, right. But one thing I mean I just got back from a retreat and time and time again is people are amazed at how, how much they learn about themselves, right? Because when we quiet the noise around us and we unplug from the daily chaos and everything distractions that are coming about, we can really, in that silence and in that presence, we really start to understand who we are. And that's one of the biggest things that I help my clients do is really get clear on who they are, who they want to be and what may be blocking them, stopping them from doing that. Because oftentimes in the day-to-day we don't have the time to sit there and ponder that. We may reflect, we may have a moment of that, but then we go on to the hustle right. And so, with the retreats, being able to be really disconnected, unplugged, be in a magical setting, to where it's really about you, and it's about taking care of yourself, it's about being out in nature we all know how powerful being in nature is. We have movement, we have, you know, reflections. There's so many different opportunities to really really dive in and learn more about who you are, and from that then you can.

Speaker 2: 5:16

Because so often when people come off retreat, they're like okay, you know, here's something I'm going to change.

Speaker 2: 5:22

Like the biggest thing is is somebody just said this the other day is they're like re-entry is a real thing and I'm like it is so true, like it's so true because you know we get into that zone and we're like okay, this is great, this is wonderful, I don't have all of that, you know.

Speaker 2: 5:38

Like coming at me, but then as soon as you leave retreat, it's all coming back at you. So how do you make that transition and hold on to those things that you, you started to find out about yourself, those changes that you want to create in your life? And so that's the part that I think is so magical about retreats is because it really gives you that, that opportunity to be truly present and really find out like you know, coming back to yourself, like who am I, what do I want, and then that makes you better when you're out in the world doing your business, doing you know. Coming back to yourself like who am I, what do I want, and then that makes you better when you're out in the world doing your business, doing you know, spending time with family, all of that.

Speaker 1: 6:18

That that's phenomenal and there's so many like when, when you pull yourself out of the day-to-day grind and then, like you said, the noise kind of quiets a little bit and you're able to like reassess and, you know, reengage on who you want to be, not like like, I'm just not the parent, I'm just not the C-suite executive, you know, like all these labels that we have to put on ourselves, and you become you. You get to be who you want to be during that time. You get to be who you want to be during that time. I think that's really an inspirational type of way of looking at it Like I can actually be, get back to who I need to be.

Speaker 2: 7:00

Right, yeah, and you bring up a great point, ryan, about labels, because, especially like ambitious hustlers you know all of us that are running businesses in that I mean we do put labels on ourselves and we identify with those labels. And those labels are all external, right and really what really matters and what creates the change in our life is when we do that, that inner game, when we start doing that inner work and we start changing, um and addressing who we truly are, because who we truly are is deep down in there. But oftentimes, you know, with the way life is, you know we lead everything by the external. So with those labels like that is so true because we become oftentimes to what other people think we should become too Right, and so we're always trying to to validate what others think we should be doing or how we should be doing it or how we should be showing up. So with that is I mean, that's what I think is one of the most powerful pieces of the retreat is really getting connected with who you are, because often, especially as adults you know kids are great at this Adults we just kind of go on autopilot and we just go through the day.

Speaker 2: 8:10

We're like we're just trying to get through that day, um, with all the to-dos and all of that, and so being able to just be quiet and sit and reflect on that. It is so powerful and I see it time and time again. How you know again, you're not. You didn't get where you're at today overnight and you're not going to change it overnight. It's those small little things that you can. You know, start to number one, create that awareness around and then to start making those shifts. That's how you start to compound that and change that, and then that becomes a bigger, bigger impact for you overall.

Speaker 1: 8:45

I agree. And like the thing that I kind of see is like, um, the? The analogy that I use is like you know, like your emotional wellbeing is not like a Ferrari, it's more like an aircraft carrier. Like you can't turn that thing on a dime, like it takes, it takes time to to slowly turn it, and then then eventually you get to where you want to be, but it takes day after day. In that that positive self-talk, because a lot of times you know we're our harshest critic, would you agree?

Speaker 2: 9:13

Yes, oh yeah, definitely. I mean we do have those inner critics that are constantly running around and like our emotions come from. You know, we have emotions, thoughts, feelings, and all of that is driven by what's happening in our mind. Like you know, we actually have two minds. We have an ego mind, a right mind, and our ego mind is usually the mind that, you know, it's like, if you think about it, it's like that conscious mind, it's that logic mind, it's always, it's it's the loudest aspect of it, but it's really the, the quiet.

Speaker 2: 9:44

The right mind, that is the mind that is with our like, aligned with our heart and our true self, right. And so when we can really start to tap into that, because the ego mind will go with the familiar, we'll go with what's the normal, and you know, anytime that we want to step out of that normal box, that comfort zone for us, it's going to, you know, start feeding us those thoughts. Oh, like, why would you want to do that? Oh, you can't do that, you've never done that, and so those are the things where then we hear that and then we allow that to impact whether or not we choose to move forward or do that thing or show up, be visible in our business, and so when we can really start to understand that and it starts with that, about getting connected with who you are and you know, being able to acknowledge because, because we, we have fear or because we're like oh, I don't know, this could be a big jump for me. It doesn't mean we shouldn't do it.

Speaker 2: 10:40

It's an opportunity for us to understand, like, what is that triggering for us and why is that triggering for us and in that time, we also have the opportunity to shift that and change that and be like, yeah, that's who I was. Because, again to your point right, Our emotions are not who we are. Again, we put labels on them and we're like that's just how we are, that's just how it is. No, that's a label. We're not, they're a piece of us. They're not who we are. So we have the ability to shift and change that no-transcript what you've had inside this business.

Speaker 2: 11:36

Well, I think you know what I, first of all, I think I'm just lucky that I get to do what I do because I it's truly my passion to help support others actually live a life that they love, you know, and I think you know the evolution of it and being able to, you know, grow it from where it was. I mean, cause, right, like, we all start a business or we start something and we're like you know, we were like who am I to do this? Right, and I think the biggest thing, that the differentiator for me is just, um, I've lived this thing. That the differentiator for me is just, I've lived this. I know what it's like to live a life where you know, you give everything to that identity of like this is who I am and you know, and it looks like you have this perfect, great, wonderful life, and so I know what that's like and I know what it's like to crash and burn. So I appreciate and I'm so passionate about helping people understand that that's not the way. There is a different way and that you can have both of them and so just being able to evolve the business and see the different ways that I can create impact, because I work one-on-one and I also work with teams, with corporate teams as well.

Speaker 2: 12:48

I mean, you know, the biggest thing I mean we all, some way, somehow we're working. You know, a team could be a family. A team could be somebody that you're working with in the professional environment, and it's all about how are we working together, how are we supporting each other? So just evolving with that and seeing that, seeing the impact, that when we really start to get clear on some things and we start to that, I guess, stuff that's not really in our control or the stuff that's coming at us because of the world, when we can step back from that and helping people understand that and see that they actually have a lot more power.

Speaker 2: 13:26

Because what I see so often is we all give up our power and I mean that's who I was and so being able to really step into that presence and be able to help show other people that hey, there is a different way and, quite honestly, most often it's not as challenging or difficult as you think it is and those things other than you know I always talk about.

Speaker 2: 13:49

It's a combination of like energy, mindset, strategy and lifestyle and, honestly, strategy is probably the part we spend the least amount of time with, because it's not about doing, it's about being. So I'm so proud of the fact that, like being able to you know, help and support others, to see that and see that there is a different way. I mean, like I said, I just feel that I'm lucky and I enjoy doing this and I enjoy seeing the difference that it makes, because I see it on so many levels. Because even when I, for example, if I work with somebody one-on-one, it's not just them that are impacted, it's those around them that are impacted. And so being able to help, support that and really make that change, that's, I mean, it's my passion, it's what I live for.

Speaker 1: 14:40

I absolutely love that and that it's so critical because it it you, you exude it and just when you talk, you can hear the passion coming out from exactly you know what you bring to the table with your, with your clientele. So that's fantastic and thank you for sharing that. One of the one of the things that that I've seen a lot probably in like I mean the last couple of years, especially since COVID and stuff like that is this almost like this, like de-evolution of positive impact with technology, especially with social media. I one of the things that I I really grasped towards is this concept of like uh, don't compare your insides to people's outsides. Can you talk more about that and how it affects people in, uh, in in the corporate world, because you know we're always chasing that next wrong right, that next wrong on the ladder.

Speaker 2: 15:32

Yeah, no, that's a great question and I mean I totally agree with you, especially with social media and really with with the state of what. And, like you said, I really feel like things really shifted after COVID. Right, and first of all, one of the biggest things that changed is we. We, we started going more, like you know, we started working by ourselves. Right, we started creating this separation amongst people. You know and like, for example, my past career was, I mean, I was out and about, I always seen clients doing that and it was like if you weren't out in the field, if you weren't connecting with people, you weren't doing your job. And then with COVID, that shifted and changed.

Speaker 2: 16:13

And then with social media, I mean, everywhere you look you are, something is being thrown at you to compare yourself with, and it goes back to what you were mentioning too before these labels is like we have become a society of comparison and that really messes with our internal mindset as well as what's happening within us, what we are hearing, like you know, whether or not we feel we are capable of doing something, and so really, what I work on, one of the things that I see that is most helpful is we have to get strong with who we are inside, so that we can also recognize that that external stuff isn't us, because and the thing is that I would say is like it's not easy to separate ourselves from that, like society doesn't make it easy for us. So we have to consciously make that decision, and that's the piece where I think the biggest shift happens is when you get really clear and you're really confident and you stand into the power of who you are. Then you can separate yourself from that noise and you can understand that that compare, that's just you know, just because they are. That doesn't mean and it's hard though, because I see it in corporate, like special, I mean. And the other thing is I see, sometimes too, like I work with a lot of, I work with both men and women, but I work a lot with women, and one of the things, especially in the corporate environment, is this comparison. So not only do you have the comparison of the person who's, you know, your direct, maybe counterpart, but then you have the comparison of male and female dynamic as well, and being able to what I have found is the one thing that can create that change and allow you to be able to navigate that through from a place of empowerment is when you know who you truly are is when you know who you truly are and when you are confident in that self and you know with teams.

Speaker 2: 18:04

The other thing I see too is you know a lot of leaders. It kind of backfires actually, and this might get a little pushback right, but it kind of backfires because leaders are. Leaders want to pit employees, team members, against each other because they think by doing that it will create more of an influence and desire to do better right and they'll get more output from their employees. And I'm here to tell you it actually has a reverse effect on it. So when we can really know who we are and that's why, like I said, it's as leaders in a corporation it's your responsibility to be able to provide the space and the dynamic for your employees to shine and be their true self and to recognize that difference is actually an asset.

Speaker 2: 18:55

And by being able to use those strengths of each individual on your team, you will go much further. And so, like I said, sometimes that can be a little controversial, but I have seen it time and time again that the one thing you can do is just know who you are and know that. That is again the key difference, and the difference in what I do is it's the inner game versus the outer game, and everyone focuses on the outer and the outer doesn't matter, because when you change the inner, your outer will change.

Speaker 2: 19:28

Fantastic Most often we think the opposite when this changes, this will be, and I'm here to tell you. It's the direct opposite. And when? You focus on the inner, the outer will change.

Speaker 1: 19:41

That's awesome, that is, that's, that's like chef's kiss good stuff right there. So, um, you talked about a little bit about, you know, working with women in corporate and women business owners and stuff like that. Give one piece of advice that you would give to uh, give to a female that is starting her entrepreneurial journey, just like you have years ago. What's one piece that you would give them as little nugget, little hack to help them get their business off the ground and get it running?

Speaker 2: 20:14

Stay true to you and what you want, because there's a lot of people who are going to tell you. You know, like, when you share your dream and when you share your ideas, surround yourself with people who are supportive and who are there to help lift you up. Because there's a lot of people I mean, I know even for myself when I started my business is there's a lot of people going. Why would you do that? How would you do that? That's never going to work. Of my business is there's a lot of people going. Why would you do that? How would you do that? That's never going to work.

Speaker 2: 20:44

And so, stay true to your desire, to what you want, and just you know, when you are aligned to that and you are holding that truth within you, it doesn't matter what anyone else says and find those people and surround yourself with those people who are, who are your supporters. And also the other thing is also I always look at saying look for a mentor or somebody who has already doing what it is that you want to do. And you know it's very most often because a lot of times, especially as new entrepreneurs, we're scared, we don't want to reach out, we don't want. You know, like why would they? Why would they want to support me? Why would they want to help? I'm here to tell you that those who already done what you're doing or wanting to do, they want to see you succeed and most often, they will be your biggest cheerleaders. So surround yourself with those people as well.

Speaker 1: 21:30

Can't. Can't answer it any better than that. I love that. So, mel, I always love talking to you. You always have just a plethora of great information and nuggets for people. Thank you so much for being a part of everything today. How can people get ahold of you if they want to be a part of your Nowins Energy program business that you got going on your mentorship and coaching pieces?

Speaker 2: 21:51

Thank you. I appreciate that. It's been so much fun chatting with you today and, yeah, so I'm on all the socials at now in Zenergy, my website is melcunninghamcom and I'm happy to just have a chat and any questions. Any way I can support anyone. I'd love to chat.

Speaker 1: 22:08

Awesome. Well, thank you again, Mel. Always a pleasure getting to chat with you. We're going to do it again soon. Thank you so much. Really appreciate your time today.

Speaker 2: 22:17

Thank you have a great day.

Speaker 1: 22:19

Absolutely. Once again, ryan Van Ornam with Scaling Up Success Podcast. Thank you so much to Synergist for being the sponsor of this podcast today. Have a wonderful day everyone.